1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,000 The following programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,120 ROMESH: 'Rob and I are back...' 3 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:14,960 It looks a bit like you're my guide. (LAUGHTER) 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,600 '..throwing ourselves into the biggest challenges...' 5 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,880 Check, check, check! 6 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,400 '..with the help of the world's best.' 7 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,440 Used to do that in The Office. 8 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,160 ROB: 'Together we're going on a journey of discovery.' 9 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,200 No, no, no! 10 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,240 'To find out what we like...' Oh, wow, Rom, that's amazing! 11 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:37,560 '..and what we don't.'It just feels like it's all gonna come out. 12 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:38,640 'This week... 13 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:42,680 ..we're entering one of the world's most prestigious competitions.' 14 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,760 I like it. 'Wildlife Photographer of the Year.' 15 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,640 Just give me your immediate reaction. Unwrap the burrito. 16 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,480 'We'll be venturing into the depths of the jungle.' 17 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,920 This looks like the shittest Indiana Jones reboot ever! 18 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:56,400 'To find out if we can snap an exhibition-worthy photo.' 19 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,600 Say hello to the Wildlife Photographer of the Year. 20 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,440 'We'd arrived at the Natural History Museum 21 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,880 for the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition, 22 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:13,200 their annual competition showcasing 23 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,160 the best nature photography on the planet. 24 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,160 The winning images are seen by millions around the world.' 25 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,240 It's the long-necked turtle. What a waste of a neck in there! 26 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,240 If I'm having a photo of a long-necked turtle, 27 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,280 I wanna see the neck out on display. 28 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:28,560 If you weren't a comedian, you could work at this museum.Yeah? 29 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,120 Taking Rob Beckett around a wildlife photography exhibition 30 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,360 is like taking one of your small children 31 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,759 that's recently had some sort of head injury. 32 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:38,880 Rob, look at this. 33 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,680 Ah, that's a cute little fella, isn't it? 34 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,800 What was that little Disney film about the mice? 35 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:44,840 I want to live in America, 36 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:48,160 Reminds me of that little mouse. 37 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,759 Fievel, you talking about? I don't know.First of all, 38 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,080 you were singing a song from West Side Story. 39 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,360 OK.(CHUCKLES) Is there no mice in that? 40 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:03,080 'Thankfully, we weren't just here for Rob's take on the photos. 41 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:07,480 We were here because of the Natural Artistry winner Rachel Bigsby. 42 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:11,080 She challenged us to try our hand at wildlife photography.' 43 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,800 Hi, I'm Rachel. 44 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:15,840 'And we were meeting competition judge Roz Kidman Cox 45 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,640 to chat about Rachel's winning photo.' 46 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,200 You can see immediately that it's got drama. 47 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:25,520 She's managed to choose that arrangement with those gannets, 48 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,880 getting the black behind the white bird. 49 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:29,800 'With over ten years behind the lens 50 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,160 and shots that look more like paintings than photos, 51 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:35,440 Rachel was the ideal person to get us started.' 52 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,960 Now, the key to successful wildlife photography 53 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,720 is equipping yourself with the tools and the knowledge. 54 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,440 If you go in blind, 55 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,280 you can have really, really good luck... 56 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,120 Why are you looking at me when she said that? 57 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,800 I'm not blind. 58 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:51,360 Right, sorry. Carry on, Rachel. That's OK.I didn't say you were. 59 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,280 No, but you looked across at me 60 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,720 and then you...completely unbroken eye contact 61 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,520 and I could see, because I'm not blind. 62 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:01,320 Luckily, it was this eye. Right, sorry, carry on.That's OK. 63 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,880 To give yourself the best chance, 64 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:05,280 you need to go in thinking of what kind of shot you'd like. 65 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,320 Yeah, tell me if I'm wrong: 66 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,960 is it better to use a long-lens zoom or just get nearer? 67 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,920 Well, getting nearer isn't necessarily always going to work. 68 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,800 Unless you've got incredible stealth and understanding, 69 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,760 we don't really want to encourage you to get too close to wildlife. 70 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,560 So it's not frowned upon for lensing it up? 71 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:25,680 No, absolutely lens it up.But you have got to have a bit of passion. 72 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:29,280 You're not coming across as being passionate about... 73 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:32,760 It's his face.You sound a lot like my wife, Roz (!)(GIGGLES) 74 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,560 If you don't mind me saying. That is just my general energy. 75 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:40,480 But he's coming across... It's just in me, what can I say? That's fine, Roz. 76 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:42,960 'Rachel had challenged us 77 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,400 to see if we could cut it as wildlife photographers 78 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:49,000 and, amazingly, Roz had agreed to put our best photos on display 79 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,000 in one of the world's most prestigious exhibitions. 80 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:56,040 They'd even reserved us a spot at the Natural History Museum. 81 00:03:56,079 --> 00:03:59,200 The big question: could we actually take a photo good enough 82 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,440 to stand alongside the professionals?' 83 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,560 What do you think our chances are, genuinely? 84 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,240 Well, the... It's not a good start, is it? 85 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:13,320 How many entrants were there? Yes... 50,000. 86 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,600 One in 50,000? Mm. (CHUCKLES) 87 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:17,320 Do you know what, I don't mind them odds. 88 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,720 'Let's be clear: Rob and I have never done wildlife photography before 89 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,720 and now we were entering the world's leading competition. 90 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,800 The standard was insanely high, 91 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,560 so we needed all the inspiration we could get.' 92 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,000 OK, we're gonna play a little game, all right?Yeah. 93 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:36,400 I just want you to look.Yeah. Just give your immediate reaction. 94 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,520 And go! Unwrap the burrito. 95 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,120 (SNIGGERS) OK, good. 96 00:04:41,159 --> 00:04:42,560 I think I'm gonna be good at this, 97 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,920 cos, really, the camera's doing most of the work. 98 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,680 It's just sort of being there. 99 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,880 Get me a camping chair, couple of beers, 100 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,120 clickety-click-click! 101 00:04:51,159 --> 00:04:54,040 Bang! I'm up on the wall. 102 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,840 (CLEARS THROAT) OK, what's happened here? 103 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,000 Looks like someone's just come back from Magic Mike 104 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,160 after their hen do. 105 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:06,200 I was thinking, what is the worst thing 106 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,280 you could interpret this photo as being? 107 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,760 You've beat it by a long way. I deleted quite a few other options. 108 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,960 Rob really does have a level of self-belief 109 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,960 that massively outweighs his level of ability. 110 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:22,080 Why wouldn't Rob, after spending ten minutes walking around an exhibition, 111 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,520 think he could win Wildlife Photographer of the Year? 112 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,080 It's classic Beckett. 113 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,880 'Our mission was set: to give ourselves a fighting chance 114 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,120 of taking a photo that might impress Roz, 115 00:05:32,159 --> 00:05:34,800 we needed to find somewhere that was full of wildlife, 116 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:37,760 and that was gonna take some proper thinking.' 117 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,280 'A few months later, we had a decision to make.' 118 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,760 So Rom, where are we gonna go to take these photos? 119 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,840 We need to make it easy. You know when they show Simba 120 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,159 to the animals in Lion King? That's where we need to go. 121 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,840 Basically, I asked Rachel for some suggestions.OK. 122 00:05:55,880 --> 00:06:00,440 This is what she's come up with: "Pembrokeshire, UK, puffins." 123 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,760 Nah. OK. 124 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,920 I'm not going out of my way to take a photo of a puffin. 125 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,920 OK, here's something: Africa. 126 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,680 That feels a bit like, "Fiat 500 basic bitch, I've been on a safari." 127 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:14,160 We need to go deeper.Well, I don't want to lead you too much, 128 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:18,080 but this is 100% the one I think we should do.Go on. 129 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,160 The forest, rivers and caves are home to a huge variety of wildlife 130 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,800 that provides no end of photographic opportunities, 131 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,600 including orangutans... 132 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,600 Oh! ..elephants, tigers 133 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,640 and rhinos. In a forest? 134 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,600 The only place on earth to have all of those creatures. 135 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,120 Oh, come on! 136 00:06:36,159 --> 00:06:39,400 That's like the Toys R Us of animals, that, all under one roof! 137 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,040 Rob Beckett, we are going to Sumatra. 138 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,120 Where the fuck is that? 139 00:06:45,159 --> 00:06:47,200 'The decision was made: 140 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,040 we were heading 6,000 miles east 141 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,159 on a 21-hour journey to Sumatra, 142 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,159 Indonesia's largest island, 143 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,960 where we'd be starting our trip 144 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,320 in the Gunung Leuser National Park.' 145 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,680 'Sumatra's home to the Gunung Leuser ecosystem, 146 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,480 one of the most diverse forests on the planet. 147 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,480 It's the last place on Earth 148 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,320 where elephants, tigers, 149 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,640 rhinos and orangutans 150 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,160 all still live together, 151 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,360 so we'd come to get our first proper taste of nature photography 152 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,200 and our adventure was already off to an unusual start.' 153 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,720 Hello. How are you? 154 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,160 Oh, that's refreshing, though. 155 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,240 Ooh! 156 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,600 'We were travelling by Gunung Leuser's "jungle taxi" - 157 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,600 inflatable rafts used to reach remote parts of the park. 158 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,800 We were heading deep into the jungle, 159 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,560 where we'd meet our guide.' 160 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:47,480 This is nice. This feels very... magical and I just feel like... 161 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,120 This looks like the shittest Indiana Jones reboot of all time. 162 00:07:50,159 --> 00:07:51,640 (CHUCKLES) 163 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,960 So what would be the ideal photo? What's your dream photo? 164 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,200 I think an orangutan - the "gentleman of the jungle". 165 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,600 Do you know what I'd love to get? 166 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:01,240 Orangutan riding a tiger. 167 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,880 What's your plan gonna be with photography? 168 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,600 Gonna keep taking photos of everything, 169 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,120 or try and get the perfect shot? I approach photography 170 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:12,240 the same way I approach having children: spray and pray.Yeah. 171 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,280 (CHATTER) 172 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,400 This is nice. 173 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,440 There's people doing washing. It's absolutely deserted here (!) 174 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,960 We're in the middle of nowhere. Feel like we're at Universal! 175 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,520 It's like Dymchurch (!) What's going on here? 176 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:28,280 Where are we? (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYS) 177 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,960 (PUMPING DANCE MUSIC) This is a bit more me! 178 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,000 (LAUGHTER AND JOYFUL SHOUTS) 179 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:45,240 (CHUCKLES) AS DJ: Who wants a rewind? 180 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,080 Pull up, pull up, pull up! 181 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:50,080 It's just good to just be totally alone and just soak in the nature. 182 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:54,440 I just feel so removed from the rat race, you know? 183 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:59,320 I didn't know there were rapids. Oh. OK. 184 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,800 This be rough? Yeah.Yeah? OK.OK. 185 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:06,920 I'll just hold on, then. Shall we hold onto each other? 186 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,040 No, no! Hold on. 187 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,960 Oh, Rom... I thought it was, like, relaxing? 188 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,120 It's actually... Jesus Chri... Shit! 189 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,160 (NERVOUS LAUGHTER) 190 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,360 Oh, my God. Right. 191 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,360 Those rapids aren't relaxing. 192 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,200 As long as it stays at that level, it'll be all right - arse up. 193 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,800 Not seen one bit of wildlife. Aargh! 194 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,080 (DRAMATIC MUSIC) 'And just like that, 195 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,040 Rob was up close with some wildlife: 196 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,920 a massive spider.' 197 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,880 Whoa! Argh! 198 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,720 Fuck, there was a spider on me. What was that? 199 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:41,520 There was a spider on me. Did you see that? 200 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:44,080 Fuck off! Oh, get me out of here. 201 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,880 (CHUCKLES) Did you see it? 202 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:49,800 A fucking... Whoa... Whoa! 203 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,880 Whoa! Fucking... 204 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:58,960 Right. Get me to the shore - now! (LAUGHS) 205 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,040 'The first encounter done, 206 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,240 now it was time to meet the man who would help us find the rest: 207 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,200 Darma Pinem...' Finally you come. Darma. 208 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,840 '..a conservationist and local legend.' Nice to meet you. 209 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,800 'For over 30 years, he's helped protect the wildlife here 210 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:17,960 and shown visitors around the Gunung Leuser.' 211 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:22,200 We can found tigers, rhino, elephants... 212 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,440 You may get some of the good shot 213 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,800 of the beautiful orangutans! 214 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,320 BOTH: Yeah. Yeah! 215 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:33,800 So let's go. Welcome to Gunung Leuser National Park! 216 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,120 'Darma was taking us to meet 217 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,560 multi-award-winning photographer Ulet Ifansasti.' 218 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,600 Rob.Oh, hi, Rob. Nice to meet you. Rom. How you doing? 219 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:46,400 'Having had images published in Nat Geo and Time Magazine...' 220 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,680 Oh, wow! That's amazing. 221 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,920 '..today he had agreed to join us on a trek 222 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,440 to give us some expert photography advice, 223 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,560 so all we needed now 224 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,600 was for Darma to find us some wildlife.' 225 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,480 'That afternoon, we went on our first expedition 226 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,360 to a conservation sanctuary in the national park 227 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,000 in search of something special.' 228 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,920 Oh, my God, there's elephants. Look at this! 229 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,360 Wow! It's amazing! 230 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,240 Your first wildlife. 231 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,720 'It was incredible just to be near them, 232 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,800 but a full family of elephants - that was something else.' 233 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,880 Darma has reached into his very deep shorts pockets, 234 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,120 pulled out a couple of elephants! 235 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:32,720 It's unbelievable! He's gone so big, early doors, it's insane! 236 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,720 Day Two, it's probably gonna be a unicorn (!) 237 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,160 'They're the largest animal roaming the island 238 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,920 and, being sanctuary elephants, 239 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,520 comfortable enough with people. 240 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:43,040 If we couldn't get a photo here, 241 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,240 we were in serious trouble. 242 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:49,080 Ulet was on hand to help us get our heads around the kit...' 243 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:52,120 This is a zoom... Oh, OK...and then zoom out. 244 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,400 '..and give us some tips on how to take a good photo.' 245 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:56,920 The important thing is, be patient. Patient? 246 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,240 Yeah. So you communicate with them. 247 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:02,360 So you can talk to the animals? Yes, like in your heart. 248 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,240 'But Rob was taking talking to the elephants a bit too literally.' 249 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:08,080 Come here, Dumbo. Look at me, baby. 250 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:09,680 Oh, there you go. Gimme more of that! 251 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:10,960 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 252 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,440 'As the elephants made their way into the rainforest, 253 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,280 we were given the all-clear to follow them 254 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,000 for a chance to capture something unique.' 255 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,560 I got one photo that looks all right, 256 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,400 but I don't know if it's good or just weird. 257 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,160 A baby.Oh, it's a baby? The daughter.Baby needs milk. 258 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,360 So you can see it actually having a bang on it. 259 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,080 I've found an elephant sucking on its mum's tit and took a photo. 260 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:33,160 Is that allowed? Who knows. 261 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,640 'As we continue to follow the elephants, 262 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,640 it became clear there was a problem staying on their tail.' 263 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,880 I've got a lot of photos of their behind.Yeah. 264 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,560 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 265 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,880 If there's an exhibition just on their genitals, I've got it covered! 266 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,080 What I would say is, 267 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,920 what Rob and I captured today 268 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,680 is what I would call "elephant Only Fans". 269 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,480 There's a lot of arse and genitals. Not a lot of face, 270 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,720 which is what people pay for - I've been told, I haven't got an account. 271 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,120 'After following the elephants for half an hour, 272 00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,080 we barely had a decent picture between us.' 273 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,240 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 'But as the herd headed for a cool-down, 274 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,400 we had no excuse not to get an exhibition-worthy photo.' 275 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,400 Ulet said, "I'll set it for you. 276 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,080 It's gonna be so easy." 277 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,680 'And then we took some photos of the elephants. 278 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,400 I looked at what Ulet got and what we got.' 279 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:23,840 Oh, wow! 'It was so much better than mine.' 280 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,960 My photo looked like somebody using the camera for the first time. 281 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,600 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) His photo looked like 282 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,040 the story of the elephant in one image. 283 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,840 The truth is, Rob and I don't know how to take photos. 284 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,080 Oh, shit! I missed the good stuff. 285 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,840 'So we've come to the wildlife, 286 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,280 but we can't capture it.' Ooh! 287 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:46,280 Is there a really strong argument that we should have practised 288 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,440 with the camera equipment in the UK? Absolutely. 289 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,480 I am shit at photos! 290 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:52,960 Have we wasted a day in Indonesia? Certainly. 291 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,400 It's just, they're so massive! 292 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,280 I mean, we're on Day One. It's the biggest 180 293 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,880 from when we were at the actual museum. 294 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,640 Yeah, you know what? I was wrong - hands up. 295 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,920 It's a nightmare! I don't know how they do it, these wildlife photographers. 296 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,920 'Rob and I are trying to take a photo 297 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,000 worthy of Wildlife Photographer of the Year.' 298 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,000 What do you think our chances are, genuinely? 299 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,600 Well, erm... That's not a good start, is it? 300 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,680 'With a space waiting for us on the wall of the Natural History Museum 301 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:25,120 that would be seen by millions, the pressure was on.' 302 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,640 (BIRD CALLS) 303 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,720 'So we travelled to Sumatra 304 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,800 to give ourselves a fighting chance.' 305 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:37,000 Oh, my God, there's elephants! 'But so far, all we got...' 306 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,440 Come here, Dumbo. (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 307 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,480 '..was an elephant's backside.' 308 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,280 I am shit at photos. 309 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,120 'Determined to do better, 310 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,600 the next morning we headed downriver to meet Darma 311 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,680 in search of something a little more inspiring.' 312 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,720 When we were in London, 313 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,600 looking around at the exhibition, 314 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:59,920 you were quite confident and cocky and sort of annoying. 315 00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,360 How confident are you feeling now? 316 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:06,520 Erm, I feel like I'm gonna be far too stressed about dying 317 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,920 to focus on taking a photo. Yeah. 318 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:12,400 If I emigrated and lived here... I'd love it, first of all, let me tell you that. 319 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:16,840 ..I'd be dead in a week. I think that is so optimistic (!) 320 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:20,640 That you think you'd last a week here, on your own, without Darma? 321 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,680 It's so hot, as well. I'd give you 90 minutes. 322 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,240 (LAUGHS) 323 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:27,880 'Fortunately for me, then, we did have Darma.' 324 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,960 Yes, Darma. 325 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,680 'And after yesterday's elephant trek, 326 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:35,080 Rom and I were looking forward to another day of breathtaking wildlife.' 327 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,360 You good? Good, good. See still alive! 328 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:40,080 Still breathing. Yeah, still! 329 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,880 So, right, today will be our... 330 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:47,200 first proper explorations 331 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,760 to the bat cave. BOTH: The bat cave? 332 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,880 Yeah. Er, it's a cave and it's... The name makes sense.Smells bad. 333 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,240 Smells bad? Yeah, because bat poo! 334 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,160 Bad poo?No, BAT poo. Bat poo. Oh, right. 335 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:03,320 Spiders?Spiders, could be not. Could be not. 336 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,520 Because we are in the cave. Could be not! 337 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,400 Because anywhere you are in the rainforest -Could be not. 338 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,440 - there is some possibility. 339 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,440 OK.OK. Probably you can get good shot 340 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:16,000 with your camera again. Let's go. 341 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,080 You need this, because cave usually dark. 342 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:22,240 Usually?Usually dark.Yes, Darma. OK, let's go.Are you... 343 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,160 wearing that flip flop? Yeah, I'm good with that.All right. 344 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,480 Let's go. Let's go, Darma. 345 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,600 What an opportunity! 346 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:36,200 The main issue is, everything that's involved, I hate. 347 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:39,200 Oh, no. Fucking hell... 348 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:42,280 'So, cave - no, thank you. Bats - no, thank you.' 349 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,280 Spiders, go fuck yourself. 350 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,280 We're not even in the bloody cave yet! 351 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,240 Us going into that bat cave 352 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,920 is like taking two virgins into an orgy. 353 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,760 Neither of us have a clue what we're doing. 354 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,440 There's going to be some screaming, 355 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,440 a lot of, "Urgh, what is that?"... 356 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,640 and then some, "I don't think I want to do this any more." 357 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,520 Is my torch on? Er, no. 358 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:10,079 Oh, for fuck's sake. Come here. You'll need that. 359 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:12,880 There you go.Oh, my God, it's a cave! Wrong one. 360 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,280 You've got the red on. You look like the police. 361 00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:17,880 Oh, my God, it's a cave.Yeah. 362 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:21,119 All right, then. We move deeper to the cave.(UNENTHUSIASTIC) Deeper. 363 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:25,560 'The cave was formed of three large chambers 364 00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:29,000 that go deep into the Gunung Leuser rainforest. 365 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,920 Darma was taking us to the bats, 366 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,160 which, unfortunately for us, was in the third and final chamber, 367 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,640 almost a kilometre deep underground.' 368 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,040 Oh, this is horrible. 369 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:43,080 Darma, don't take us too near anything that moves, yeah?Yeah. 370 00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:46,720 So there's going to be lots of insects here?Er, yeah.Oh, God... 371 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:52,120 Look at that! Rob? Rob? 372 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,800 Rob, you go and have a look.Why me? Go and have a look, Rob. 373 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:58,600 (WHISPERS OMINOUSLY) Sssspider! Oh, leave it out, Darma. 374 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:01,760 What kind of spider, what spider is it?A friendly one. 375 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,360 A friendly one, how do you know? Where is it? Oh, my God! 376 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,080 You big bastard! What is that? 377 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,120 A spider. I know, but what type? 378 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:12,240 I think that's as far as it goes. OK, that's all we've got. 379 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,520 It's a spider. Let's have a look.And this one! 380 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,760 (HORRIFIED GASP) Rom! You can't... 381 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,720 Sorry, I didn't realise I was gonna react like that.Right, OK. 382 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,760 (PANICKED GASP) Rom, what are you doing? 383 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,760 Fuck off and get scared on your own! Sorry. 384 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:28,160 Something just dripped on me. Water drip. Water drip from the top. 385 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,280 OK.It's water. Fucking rein it in, yeah? 386 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,480 If I'm looking at a spider and something lands on me, 387 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,320 you can forgive me for shitting myself. 388 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,120 Yeah, but just don't shit yourself near me. 389 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:40,960 'The spider was our first opportunity to snap some wildlife, 390 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,600 but as we took out our cameras... 391 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,640 ..that was when we realised that this time, our photography skills 392 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,760 weren't going to be the only problem.' 393 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,720 Oh, my God. 394 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:55,040 Why are we going in the dark to take a photo? We struggle in the light! 395 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,200 OK, ready? (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 396 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,920 Once you do see something, 397 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,680 you can't take the photo with the light on, 398 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,640 because it gets blown out, so you have your head torch, right? 399 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,680 You press the button halfway, focus and snap. 400 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:11,360 Put the light on the thing, half-focus and snap. 401 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,120 What kind of photography requires you to look away 402 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,720 as you take the fucking photo? 403 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:20,360 'It had been a terrifying start 404 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,960 and now Darma was taking us deeper into the caves 405 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,560 in search of bats.' 406 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,080 Ugh! Oh, this is horrible! 407 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:30,400 Best not to look at the walls, innit, cos you might see stuff. 408 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,160 'And as we headed further in, 409 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,760 it was no longer just the fear of the wildlife that was worrying us.' 410 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,080 Fucking hell, Darma! Are you winding me up? 411 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,280 This is awful. 412 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,880 'For two middle-aged men, 413 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,640 scrambling through tiny gaps in jagged rocks 414 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,320 was becoming a much bigger problem.' 415 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,160 Oh, bloody fuck... 416 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,320 Well, I've got a little, like, health tracker. 417 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,840 It just told me I was playing five-a-side. 418 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,880 'It was tough going.' 419 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,040 Oh, my God... You all right? 420 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:03,760 Yeah, it's just quite hard. 421 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,760 'As we left the first chamber for the next...' 422 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,280 Right, it's like climbing a mini-mountain! 423 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:11,760 'Thankfully, Darma was on hand 424 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,520 to help us get through it.' 425 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:17,880 Come here. Slow. Carefully. 426 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,880 Good. 427 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,480 'What's embarrassing is, me and Romesh have got all the gear on 428 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,760 and Darma's jumping about in a pair of flip flops! 429 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,520 But then, I suppose he's used to it. He's grown up here, ain't he?' 430 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,720 Stick him on the Tube, 431 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,400 tell him to get from Waterloo to Finsbury Park. 432 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,760 You know what I mean? We've all got our own habitat. 433 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,840 (SCREECHING) 434 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:42,320 'But all our hard work was paying off, 435 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:45,040 as after nearly an hour of dragging our sad bodies 436 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:46,520 through bat-poo-covered rocks, 437 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,320 we were finally entering the bat chamber.' 438 00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:52,800 Oh, my God! Look at that! 439 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,560 (AWE-INSPIRING MUSIC) 440 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,600 (FRANTIC SCREECHING) 441 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,000 It's 40 minutes of slipping 442 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,800 and tripping up and going, "Aargh," 443 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,240 and thinking of your wife and children 444 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:13,960 and, at the end of it, 445 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,360 are 30 of the most hideous fucking creatures 446 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,000 I've ever seen in my life. 447 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,160 31, sorry - I was with Rob. 448 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,840 (DRAMATIC MUSIC) 449 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,080 'It had been a mission just to get there, but once we did, 450 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,800 we only had one strategy.' 451 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,640 Spray and pray, baby. (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 452 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,480 Come and look at me, you little bat bastard! 453 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,080 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 454 00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:36,720 'We took hundreds of photos as quickly as we could 455 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,960 and, compared to the spider, 456 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,680 we were getting better in the dark.' 457 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,400 Oh, I've got some good 'uns there. 458 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,520 'But compared to the professionals, 459 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,360 we were still nowhere near their level.' 460 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,400 DARMA: So let's go! 461 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:52,120 Is it this way back out, as well? Yeah.Fucking hell... 462 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,160 (CHUCKLES) 463 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:58,400 (BIRDSONG / INSECTS CHIRRUP) 464 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,120 So how was it for you? (GROANS) 465 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,120 We did get some photos of those disgusting little upside-down rats, 466 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,080 but erm, yeah, I don't erm... 467 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,200 It's very tiring. Very hot in there, wasn't it? 468 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,880 It was very hot, yeah. It was 97% humid!Is that right? 469 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,400 I don't know what that means. What does that mean?Humidity? 470 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,960 Well, 100% humidity's the sea. 471 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,360 So you're underwater? We were 97% of the way there. 472 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,600 We're not 3% away from being in the sea!Not sure how it works, 473 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,760 but 100% humidity must be water. 474 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,240 When you're in the cave, you can't go, 475 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,280 "If there was 3% more water in here, we'd be in the sea." 476 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,360 Well, get me 3% more and we'll check. 477 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,520 I am wet, though. Me too.I'm half seal! 478 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:39,920 I tell you what is 97% humidity - my gooch.My anus is pure water! 103. 479 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,440 Anyway... My skin is disg... 480 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,600 I think I might have lost weight, though.Mm. 481 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,280 I feel like I'm on Celebrity Fat Club. 482 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:50,640 Make the fat ones go tunnelling 483 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,360 through holes they can't fit through. 484 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,240 The little fella in flip flops flies through! 485 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,600 (SERENE MUSIC) 486 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,880 It was hard, but it's one of those... 487 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,880 I would describe it as one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences, 488 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,720 and by that I mean I'm never fucking doing it again - ever. 489 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,880 I... (RUMBLE OF THUNDER) 490 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,800 This can't be real. This cannot be real. 491 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,920 (RAIN PELTING) 492 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,680 Brilliant (!) Do you know what? 493 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,720 It is the perfect end to today. 494 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,960 Spent two hours getting no decent photos, 495 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,720 bring on the thunderstorm, please (!) (THUNDERCLAPS) 496 00:23:40,281 --> 00:23:42,640 (THUNDERCLAPS / LIGHTNING CRASHES) 497 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:44,880 'Rob and I are deep into our second day in Sumatra 498 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:48,040 and we still didn't have an exhibition-worthy photo 499 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:49,480 so, with time running out, 500 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,360 Darma had arranged for us to go on a nighttime photography mission... 501 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,040 ..but, given the weather, 502 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,080 it was the last thing we wanted to do.' 503 00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:58,640 Well, the conditions are shit. 504 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,720 Do you know what these conditions are like 505 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,200 when that guy tried to steal the embryos in Jurassic Park... 506 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,360 (RUMBLE OF THUNDER) 507 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,160 ..and that thing sprayed stuff in his face? 508 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,360 I'm half expecting to see a goat on a string 509 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,840 and then I look again and it's gone! 510 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,880 (SINISTER MUSIC) 511 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,040 We were on the edge of the rainforest 512 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,240 to try something called "night herping" - 513 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,000 basically going out into the jungle 514 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:23,960 to find snakes and amphibians 515 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,000 that we could try to photograph. 516 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,640 Everything was against us, 517 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,360 but Darma told us not to worry, as he had bought along some help. 518 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:38,880 'Assisting us on this hellish walk 519 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:42,480 was Darma's friend Hippow, a snake expert.' 520 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,160 Are any of the snakes poisonous? 521 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,160 King cobra? There's king cobras here? 522 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:51,480 Have you ever been bitten? HIPPOW: Yeah. 523 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,680 You've been bitten by a king cobra? 524 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,000 Fucking hell!Oh, my God! 525 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,600 Yeah, and they've got them here, have they?Yeah, yeah.Cool. 526 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,240 OK. You OK for that? 527 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:06,320 It sounds good, man. Exciting! That sounds great, man. 528 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:07,960 I wish we'd asked that after the walk, 529 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,640 but cool, let's do it. OK.OK, let's find some. 530 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,360 DARMA and ROMESH: Let's go. 531 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,240 There's fucking king cobras here! 532 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,400 You know king cobra? (HISSES) 533 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,440 There could be one right round here. 534 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,680 There's deadly shit out here! 535 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,680 I see this one snake... 536 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:28,760 Where? 537 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:32,520 Oh, yeah. Is that poisonous? 538 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:38,520 Nah, I'm all right with that colour, to be honest.Yeah? 539 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:40,200 Hippow... Now, Hippow - great guy. 540 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,640 Would I put me and him together? Absolutely not. 541 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,120 If I arrived on a stag do with someone that I didn't know that well and Hippow was there, 542 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,160 he'd be the last person I ended up chatting with. 543 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,760 Is it? Also, surely 544 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,600 you've got to stick on a pair of boots and long sleeves for herping! 545 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,360 I don't even go out in odd flip flops to do the bins! 546 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,120 He's sliding about 547 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,720 picking up cobras! No wonder it bit him. 548 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,880 Oh, the green one. 549 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:09,920 Little viper bastard? 550 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:14,920 Two-week coma? 551 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,120 Two week?Yeah.Wow, man! Shall we move on, then? 552 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,480 Yeah. 'I do think this is rock bottom.' 553 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,720 I thought the bat cave was bad, 554 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,360 but as we were going through the jungle, 555 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,160 I was thinking nostalgically about the bat cave 556 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,120 and that became sort of my happy place in my head, 557 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,200 as I walked through the jungle 558 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:35,000 and Hippow pointed out another really poisonous snake. 559 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,080 It's a great colour.Good colour. Good coma colour (!) 560 00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:42,040 At one point in there, I thought, "I might as well get bit. 561 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:43,200 At least I get to leave." 562 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,240 I'm just gonna put my arm out in front of it: 563 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,480 "Have a bang on that, mate. I get two weeks in hospital." 564 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,960 Be easier than this! (RAIN PELTING / THUNDERCLAPS) 565 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,240 It is a low point, when you're wishing for a coma (!) 566 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,160 'But despite the thunder, the lightning 567 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,240 and the snakes that put you in comas, 568 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:03,160 best friends Hippow and Darma were still in high spirits.' 569 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:04,600 Look at this. 570 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,400 'And, almost unbelievably, 571 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,040 their enthusiasm was starting to rub off on us.' 572 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:12,880 Hippow, this is such good herp, man. 573 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,880 We're doing some good herping, bro. This is great, innit? 574 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:19,760 'You know, Darma would be a great tour guide in Ibiza.' 575 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,760 Like, he is just, like... 576 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,640 he just got this mad vibe. 577 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:27,360 Oh, cut, cut, cut! It's gonna be crazy, man! 578 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,440 And then he shows his best friend and his best friend... 579 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,800 they've both been taking the same thing, 580 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:35,960 both absolutely off their tits on herp and they want you to join them. 581 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,240 'Things were on the up and what made it even better...' 582 00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,280 Oh, that's a good one. '..we were starting to find 583 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:43,760 some less deadly wildlife.' 584 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:50,880 'So now we could get close enough to bag some half-decent photos.' 585 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,920 You see that? (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 586 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,400 That's good herp. Great night. 587 00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,840 Five stars Tripadvisor: "Get your 'erp on!" 588 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,640 Yeah, great herping. 589 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,080 Some of the best I've ever done. 590 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:06,680 Darma is, like... 591 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:08,160 in the daytime... 592 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,360 Sorry, there's lightning again. (RUMBLE OF THUNDER) 593 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,080 It's a bit of lightning, so I got slightly distracted. 594 00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:16,000 'The herping had been a success 595 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:17,800 and after our second day in the jungle, 596 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,000 we now had at least one photo we were proud of.' 597 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,160 598 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,520 So what did you make of herping? Erm... 599 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:28,520 I'd say...when I was in the middle of that jungle, 600 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,400 the worst place I've ever been in the world, 601 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,280 and I've done night buses through Peckham. 602 00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:35,000 Yeah. But as herping goes, five star. 603 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:36,680 I suspect I prefer it not in a storm. 604 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,560 What I did like, though, was meeting Darma's best friend. 605 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,120 That was sweet, wasn't it? Really sweet."My best friend." 606 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,200 Imagine them just coming out here at 1am.Quick herp. Fancy a bit of herping? 607 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:47,000 Seen the bite on his arm? Yeah. 608 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,640 Jesus Christ! I don't think, 609 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:51,920 if I was recommending him as a guide, giving him advice, 610 00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:54,200 I'd say, "Don't open with the king-cobra stuff." 611 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:57,200 He was wearing odd flip flops, did you see that?Yeah. 612 00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,840 The fact they were odd wasn't a concern.Flip flops! 613 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:01,040 How is he wearing flip flops? 614 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:03,640 Wild!I wasn't thinking, "Get them matching." 615 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,120 I was thinking, "Get some boots on, you lunatic!" 616 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:07,840 6am tomorrow, have another herp? 617 00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:09,880 Yeah, absolutely. Let's go. 618 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:12,760 Let's herp. Hippow's still out there, by the way.Is he? 619 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,520 Yeah, he's taken one of his sliders off, just to be sassy! 620 00:29:17,568 --> 00:29:19,960 'Rob and I are attempting to take a photo 621 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,360 for Wildlife Photographer of the Year.' 622 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:23,560 If it's good enough, 623 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,680 it'll be displayed here? Absolutely, 624 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,720 if it's good enough, yeah. 'Competition judge Roz Kidman Cox 625 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:32,640 had even reserved us a space in an exhibition seen by millions. 626 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:40,120 After two days in Sumatra surrounded by wildlife, 627 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,880 all we had to offer was the underside of a frog, 628 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,400 but from day one, Rob had his heart set on something else.' 629 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:47,600 What's your dream photo? 630 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,360 I think an orangutan, the "gentleman of the jungle". 631 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:51,520 'So today, 632 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,600 our guide Darma was leading us deep into Gunung Leuser 633 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,640 in search of the king of the swingers.' 634 00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:00,240 I'm excited, cos he reckons we're going to see orangutans. 635 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:01,640 That's the shot we want. 636 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:03,560 'But first we were meeting back up 637 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,440 with photography expert Ulet.' 638 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,920 How are you? Yeah, good.OK. 639 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,720 'He was loading us up with all the tech...' 640 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,480 You want to open it? Yeah. 641 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,440 '..so if we did find an orangutan, we couldn't miss.' 642 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:17,480 Oh, fuck off!Oh, my God, are you taking the piss?Yes. 643 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,840 That's mental! (CHUCKLES) 644 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:23,280 This is not... This can't be... Yeah. 645 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:26,200 This is the...the super-tele... 646 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:27,520 It's the tele zoom. 647 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:30,320 This is 600 millimetres. Yeah. 648 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:32,640 So that goes in there? Uh-huh. 649 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,520 Then you walk in the woods?Just hold.We might as well have stayed 650 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:39,080 in England and taken them from there! That goes round your neck?Jesus! 651 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,960 You can't wander around like that! 652 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:43,760 Ulet, that's...that's not real. 653 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,480 That's real. 654 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:47,240 Do you reckon they'll see me coming? 655 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:53,320 'It was our last shot - one last trip with Darma 656 00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,040 and it wasn't gonna be easy, cos we were looking 657 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,240 for a critically endangered species. 658 00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,880 With only a few thousand Sumatran orangutans left, 659 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,080 spread across thousands of miles of jungle, 660 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,240 the odds weren't in our favour.' 661 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,560 Today is everything - everything. 662 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:10,440 I don't want to overstate it: 663 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:14,040 the success of the trip rests on what happens in this jungle today. 664 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:15,840 If we don't find an orangutan today, 665 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,240 this has been a massive fucking waste of time. 666 00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,640 'We had a long day ahead, 667 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:22,840 but Darma's 30 years of experience in the rainforest 668 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,280 and his work with the Sumatran Orangutan Society 669 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:26,880 would hopefully deliver us 670 00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:28,400 a competition-worthy photo.' 671 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:30,160 Some time, 672 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:33,640 with the orangutans... 673 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,800 we can communicate. Really?Oh, can you? 674 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,640 Yeah. For the male, 675 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:40,680 we call that long call 676 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:44,840 to telling the single females, "I am here," 677 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:49,240 and the sounds look like, "Ooh, ooh, ooh," 678 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:53,200 like that, which is... Ooh, ooh, ooh! 679 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:57,120 And this can hear about, what, two kilometres away. 680 00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,240 (MUMBLES)Pardon? Want to have a go? 681 00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,720 Oop! Oop! Oop! 682 00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:08,520 Oop! Oop! Oop! 683 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:13,080 Oh, that's Leesa coming. Yeah.It worked. 684 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:14,960 You saying that Leesa's an orangutan 685 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,080 that responded to my mating call? I'm saying 686 00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:18,920 she's responding to YOUR mating call. 687 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,160 'Darma was a fountain of jungle knowledge. 688 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:25,880 Rob was saying what he saw.' Big old bastard tree, that! 689 00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,240 What's this tree, Darma? 690 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,280 Erm, this is other type of erm... Old rocket? 691 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:35,800 (LAUGHS) You love that one, don't you? 692 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,880 Fucking RFOL. 693 00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:41,200 You're gonna use that on your next tour (!)Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! 694 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,520 (DRAMATIC MUSIC) 695 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,280 'Three hours into our trek, 696 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,200 we hadn't taken a single photo. 697 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:50,320 It was boiling and we were struggling.' 698 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:53,280 I've never been hotter in my life! 699 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,400 I feel like one of them boil-in-the-bag turkeys. 700 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,520 'We'd covered over eight kilometres but it was hard going.' 701 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,720 OK?You all right? I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. 702 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:04,920 'Even armed with our mating calls...' 703 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,560 Oop! Oop! Oop! 704 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,680 '..we still hadn't seen an orangutan 705 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,920 and I was starting to give up hope.' 706 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:16,200 Oh, God!It never ends, is it? How big's this jungle? 707 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:17,800 One million hectares. 708 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,280 So many hectares! Could afford to lose a bit. 709 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,120 Well, no, no, we want to keep it for the - 710 00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,040 Just kidding. Bit of environmental banter. 711 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,720 'The hours of walking were starting to get to Rob.' 712 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:31,360 Are we going to see an actual orangutan today, do you think? Cross the finger. 713 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,320 I like Darma. I think he's a great guy. 714 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:35,840 He is difficult to read, 715 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,160 in that he's incredibly positive about everything, 716 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,360 so it's highly likely, at the end of the day, 717 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,720 he'll just go, "We didn't find any orangutans." 718 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,600 Then we'll just have to live with it 719 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:46,480 and then I assume Rob will pummel him to death. 720 00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:51,640 Shit. Watch your step.Yeah, I will. 721 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,040 'We'd been on our feet for hours 722 00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,000 and still no sign of an orangutan. 723 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:57,560 The day was getting on 724 00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,720 and soon we'd have to start heading back. 725 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:02,360 But then...' 726 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,120 (RUSTLING) (HOARSE WHISPER) Shh! Look at that. 727 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,000 Wow! Man... (GASPS) 728 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:09,480 It's looking at you, Rom. 729 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,280 (Oh, my God.) Look at it. 730 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:13,280 Orangutan. Shall we do the noise? 731 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:17,320 No, no.We don't do the noise? Not here.(Oh, my God...) 732 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:21,400 'After a long and hot four hours of searching, 733 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,440 we'd finally found a female orangutan.' 734 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:25,199 Let's get the cameras out. Camera. 735 00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,520 I'll get yours out, you get mine out, OK?OK. (CHUCKLES) 736 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:31,159 'But this was the first time we'd used our massive telephoto lens 737 00:34:31,199 --> 00:34:33,040 and they handled like scaffolding poles (!)' 738 00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:35,520 Oh, fuck off, it's too heavy to hold up! 739 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:37,360 Oh, God. Is it coming down? 740 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,600 'This was the moment we'd been waiting for 741 00:34:39,639 --> 00:34:41,560 and we were making a mess of it.' 742 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,320 Why does it keep moving, the bastard? 743 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,920 This is well hard, this. 744 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:47,960 I've got the back of it. 745 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,840 'And just like that, she disappeared.' 746 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,400 It's gone. Gone. 747 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:54,639 Shall we chase it? 748 00:34:54,679 --> 00:34:58,200 No. It's mealtime for her. Yeah. 749 00:34:58,240 --> 00:35:01,280 Ah, you're so lucky, man. Yeah?You are. 750 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,400 I don't think you'll think that, when you see the photos I've got there (!) 751 00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:06,720 'Darma delivered the moment, 752 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,160 but we'd completely failed to photograph it.' 753 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:10,920 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 754 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,760 I literally cannot believe this just happened. 755 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,320 As soon as she saw a camera, she moved. 756 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,520 All we had to do was take the shot. Yeah.And we couldn't deliver.No. 757 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,280 We've done a what, nearly 20-hour flight, 758 00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:24,880 four-, five-hour trek. Yeah.You found us an orangutan 759 00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:28,120 and, between us, not one photo. Is there one chained up anywhere? 760 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,680 (LAUGHS HEARTILY) 761 00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:34,320 It's difficult to say, but it was a massive cock-up. 762 00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,680 As soon as we got the cameras out, 763 00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:38,800 it moved like it didn't want to be on Sky. 764 00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:42,040 It was, like, "You know what, I'm only gonna do terrestrial." 765 00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:44,520 I've got nothing here. It's gone to find Attenborough. 766 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,360 I can't believe it! 767 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:51,480 I've got absolutely fuck-all. It was, like, there! 768 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:55,240 I've got the same camera they used to shoot Jupiter (!) 769 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,480 Well, Darma, thank you very much, that was amazing. 770 00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,040 You delivered. Thank you so much. This is your luck. 771 00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:03,040 Is it just back the four hours we came?Yep. 772 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,360 Great.OK, cool. All right, then.Off we go. 773 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,840 'We had four hours of walking ahead. 774 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:11,600 Just enough time to reflect on how badly it had gone.' 775 00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:14,880 I don't even know if I can talk to Leesa and the kids about it. 776 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,160 "Dad's back." "Oh, my God! Show us the photo of the orangutans." 777 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,360 "I haven't got any, son." 778 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:23,120 "But...but you saw them, didn't you?" "Yeah." 779 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,320 "You said it was really close, yeah? 780 00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:28,960 So did you get a photo?" "No." 781 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,200 "What's the matter, Dad? 782 00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:33,520 Did you not have a good camera?" "I had the best, son." 783 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,480 "Was it a rubbish lens?" "It's the biggest lens you could get." 784 00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,840 "But you still didn't get a photo?" "No." "Why?" 785 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:42,160 "Because your dad's shit." 786 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,560 "I hate you, Dad." "I hate me too, son." 787 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,120 What? 788 00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,520 (Another orangutan. Look.) 789 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,680 Oh, my God! Look at that, Rob. 790 00:36:54,720 --> 00:36:58,360 That's amazing.Here, here. That's so good.Good spot. 791 00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,360 That's amazing. 792 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:04,080 He's getting a leaf. (GASPS) 793 00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:07,000 Where is it? Where's it gone? Oh, for fuck's sake! 794 00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,480 There, there, there. It's so heavy! 795 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:15,320 She's a hungry girl. Lunchtime! 796 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:17,200 'This time, we were better prepared 797 00:37:17,240 --> 00:37:20,120 and I had a good feeling about some of my photos.' 798 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:23,240 You're a legend, Darma. Congratulations, man.We've done it. 799 00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:25,320 Darma, thank you, bro. Congratulations. 800 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,080 This is amazing.'The hours of struggling through the forest 801 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,200 suddenly felt like nothing. 802 00:37:30,240 --> 00:37:32,880 If this was what wildlife photography's all about, 803 00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:35,320 I was into it.' 804 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,200 (HUSHED WHISPER) (GASPS) 805 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:41,080 Oh, my God. 806 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,160 Oh, my God.Up there. 807 00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:45,320 Look.Oh, my God. 808 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,600 That's amazing. 809 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:51,000 Yeah, alpha male. Finally. 810 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:53,920 We need to get our camera. Let me get a camera. 811 00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:55,760 I tell you what, we've had a stroke of luck, 812 00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:57,080 cos we thought we were done. 813 00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,440 We had an absolute howler with the first one. 814 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:00,880 We're walking through, 815 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,040 then big daddy boy's up there, sitting there. 816 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:04,480 Big old plate-face. 817 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:06,800 Just free target. 818 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:10,120 Now he's looking at you, deciding which one's comedy he prefers. 819 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:11,280 Didn't move. 820 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,120 I'm fucking getting into this. 821 00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:15,120 'Absolutely nailed him! 822 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,640 Got full frontal and open jaw.' 823 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:18,920 It's got to win, innit? 824 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:20,560 Oh, smashed it. 825 00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,320 Yeah, you're the man. 826 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:25,320 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) We'd done it - proper photos 827 00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,160 of one of the rarest species on the planet! 828 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:29,560 We had something for Roz, 829 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,200 even if Rom was still at sixes and sevens with his camera. 830 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,840 (Oh, my God...) You don't look down the hole thing? 831 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,240 You just look at it like an iPad? What? Yeah. 832 00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:43,920 You've not been looking down the hole at all?Just been using that. 833 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:45,920 Wild!I can't be arsed to look down the hole! 834 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,000 You've got to look down the hole. 835 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:49,240 Let me hold it up to my eye. 836 00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:50,800 Yeah, as a photographer would. 837 00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,040 The hole looks so much better! 838 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,000 You're like Schwarzenegger in Commando. 839 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,520 (RAPID CLICKING) 840 00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,840 Say hello to the Wildlife Photographer of the Year. 841 00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:01,280 (RAPID CLICKING) 842 00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:02,680 Lucky you! 843 00:39:02,720 --> 00:39:06,880 We were not expecting this. We got three!Yeah. 844 00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,960 I'm starting to think they're not endangered. (LAUGHS) 845 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:13,200 It's been amazing. I mean, it's such a rare animal to see. 846 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:16,560 (TWIGS SNAP / RUSTLING) 847 00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,320 Was that another orangutan? 848 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:24,000 Fucking leave us alone! 849 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,280 'It was time to say goodbye to Darma. 850 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,160 He never stopped smiling, even when we were falling apart 851 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,040 and he delivered when we needed it most.' 852 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:38,680 Darma, that was amazing.Oh thank you. All right.Thank you so much. 853 00:39:38,720 --> 00:39:42,040 Three orangutans! Three orangutans. 854 00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:44,400 Been incredible. We've done so many amazing things. 855 00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:48,280 Did the caves.Caves, elephants, bridges, orangutans. 856 00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,600 Unbelievable.We've been so lucky with what we've seen! 857 00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,320 We've been really lucky. Yeah, you are the luckiest person 858 00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:54,840 in this planet at the moment, 859 00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,280 by seeing the big daddy boy. 860 00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:58,920 BOTH: The big daddy boy! 861 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,360 (ALL LAUGH) 862 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:04,760 All right, then, maybe it's time to go. 863 00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,320 OK, yeah, let's go. Thank you very much. 864 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,200 Nice to meeting you. He's clocking off. 865 00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:12,480 See you later. He's just on a day rate. 866 00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:15,120 Take care. Still alive, man! Still alive. 867 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,520 Still alive and keep smile, man. Big daddy boy! 868 00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,840 Big daddy boy! (ALL LAUGH) 869 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,120 'We'd returned to civilisation 870 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,720 to start sorting through the thousands of photos we'd taken 871 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:30,280 since we'd arrived in Sumatra.' 872 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:32,480 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 873 00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:34,920 'Now we had to select two of our best each 874 00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:36,680 to send to competition judge Roz.' 875 00:40:36,720 --> 00:40:40,360 OK.There was a lot of rubbish. That's shit. 876 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:41,520 Really bad, that one. 877 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:43,600 'But there were a few that stood out.' 878 00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:45,840 BOTH: Oh! That's the one I like. 879 00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,920 That is good! That's a big yawn. 880 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:49,520 That's the best, so far. 881 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:51,200 'It had taken hours, 882 00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:52,880 but we'd selected two photos each 883 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:54,560 to send to Roz. 884 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,560 I was sending in a night-time frog 885 00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,880 and my female orangutan looking off into the middle distance.' 886 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:05,920 'I was going all in on big daddy boy - he looked good whatever. 887 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:08,200 Big smiley boy... 888 00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:11,480 and easily Photo of the Week, big yawn boy.' 889 00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:13,480 There's a couple of shots in there 890 00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:14,800 that could be quite good 891 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:16,720 and I'm really gutted to say 892 00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:20,320 that the best one might have been taken by Rob Beckett. 893 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:22,760 'So with the photos sent to Roz to judge, 894 00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:24,920 all we could do was wait... 895 00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,680 ..and the next day we got an answer.' 896 00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:34,880 "Hello."Hello, Roz. It's Rom and Rob.Hello! 897 00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:37,640 "Hi, hello. So you made it?" 898 00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:39,160 Roz, it's tough out here. 899 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:40,920 I think we've got good photos, 900 00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,120 but it's a harsh place. 901 00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,960 "Yep. Now, I got them overnight. 902 00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:46,720 I've had a good look..." OK. 903 00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,600 "..and, actually, I was quite surprised. 904 00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:52,960 Erm, I was impressed, in fact." Wow! 905 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:56,800 "You've actually done very well." Oh, thank you.Thank you. 906 00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:58,480 "Now, I really like the little frog. 907 00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:02,160 It looked like it was about to try and eat something. It had attitude." 908 00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:03,760 That was my photo. 909 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:06,960 I was really passionately taking it. "OK. (CHUCKLES) 910 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:10,720 But the one I decided on I really like was the female 911 00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:15,040 and she's looking to one side." Oh!Your one, again. 912 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:16,680 "And the light is on her, 913 00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:18,520 the light has caught her eyes, 914 00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:20,320 there's a glint in her eye." 915 00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,760 'Incredibly, Roz had liked all mine 916 00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:24,920 and none of Rob's had even got a mention, 917 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,920 but I thought I'd better pretend to be gracious about it.' 918 00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:30,720 We like the yawning one, 919 00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:32,680 cos it was like a bit of an action shot. 920 00:42:32,720 --> 00:42:35,720 That's why we thought that was better.And teeth, and stuff. 921 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:39,400 "Yeah, but I'm afraid on the left it's just too distracting 922 00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,920 and messy, with the light coming through." 923 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,640 Well, it is a jungle, Roz. 924 00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:46,640 What do you want me to do, retile it (?) 925 00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:50,440 "(CHUCKLES) Well, you know -" Stick up a bamboo wall (?) 926 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,440 Give us a chance. It's a jungle! 927 00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,240 "Well, we're coming onto the wall now." 928 00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:58,320 Ooh... I just wanted to say, 929 00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,640 you did do well. Joking aside, 930 00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:02,800 I hadn't expected shots 931 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,720 that would be good enough to put on the wall."BOTH: Oh! 932 00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:07,560 "So erm...my favourite one 933 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,800 will be on show 934 00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:13,400 at the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition 935 00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:16,080 at the Natural History Museum." Really? 936 00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:19,320 "Yeah, so well done." Oh, my God! 937 00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:21,600 So Middle Distance is going on the wall?On the wall! 938 00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,240 Thank you, Roz. I'm buzzing. 939 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,360 Is there any space for another one? 940 00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:28,680 Yeah, probably be my second one! "No, just the one." 941 00:43:28,720 --> 00:43:30,960 Yeah it would be. Shit! (CACKLES) 942 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:33,560 "I'm sorry." Don't worry. I know what it's like. 943 00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,320 You're tight for space at the... Natural History Museum 944 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,560 that you once had a dinosaur in the middle of it (!) 945 00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:42,760 Famously -Bit tight for the old wall space (!)Famously devoid of walls! 946 00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:44,920 947 00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:47,440 I'm buzzing, Roz. That's amazing news. 948 00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:49,320 I can't believe it. Thank you. 949 00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:52,160 "All right."All right, see you soon."Bye."Bye! 950 00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:01,320 'So after travelling over 6,000 miles across the globe...' 951 00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:02,680 Never ends, is it? 952 00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:05,240 'Trekking with elephants...' Come here, Dumbo. 953 00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:09,400 'Crawling through caves...' Oh, my God! Spray and pray, baby. 954 00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:11,400 '..and dodging coma-inducing snakes...' 955 00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,400 There's king cobra here? Yeah. 956 00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:15,240 '..we finally captured a shot worthy...' 957 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:16,320 (Oh, my God.) 958 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,200 '..of the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition.' 959 00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:20,600 Smashed it. 960 00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:21,960 'And what made it even better 961 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:26,360 was that Rob didn't have a single picture on the wall.' 962 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,200 Thought I'd nailed it, to be honest. Yeah. 963 00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:31,480 Well, it's you know, it's exciting - photo's going up. 964 00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:33,320 I would say, though, 965 00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:34,840 we have done pretty well here, 966 00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:36,680 considering how bad our photos were 967 00:44:36,720 --> 00:44:38,360 to the good ones we've got. 968 00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:40,040 I think it just goes to show you 969 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:43,440 that if you've got a bit of determination...Yes. 970 00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:45,560 ..a guide takes you exactly to where the animals are 971 00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:47,600 and somebody's shown you how to use the camera... 972 00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:49,880 And about �8,000 worth of equipment. Yeah. 973 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:51,800 So if you do have access to that, I'd say, 974 00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:54,280 anyone can get involved in this competition! 975 00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,480 There are no barriers to entry! All you got to do... 976 00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:58,200 is have a 15-year comedy career, 977 00:44:58,240 --> 00:45:01,680 build yourself up to having enough profile to do a show on Sky 978 00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:04,000 and have the amount of technical support that we had 979 00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,480 in order to take one photo that's good out of 15,000. 980 00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:08,440 Yes. We've made it. You're on the wall, baby! 981 00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:11,080 And unfortunately, cos there's not enough wall space, I'm not. 982 00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:13,960 I'm gonna go hose down my gooch. Yep. 983 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:17,040 Thank you, Indonesia. Let's get me to Bromley. 984 00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:18,760 We're still alive, baby! 985 00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,440 Gonna have a cheese sandwich and a Stella when I get home. 986 00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:25,080 LOUIS ARMSTRONG: 987 00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,560 988 00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:32,560 989 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,000 990 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,320 991 00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:43,880 992 00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:48,880 993 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,440 994 00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:57,880 995 00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:08,280 996 00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:13,320 Subtitles by Sky Access Services www.skyaccessibility.sky 997 00:46:13,370 --> 00:46:17,920 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0